Throughout my life I have suffered from ‘the grass is greener on the othersideitis’. As a child I wanted my sister’s long blonde hair, I wanted all the toys my cousin had. I wanted the eloquence and humour of a family friend, and the confidence and fitness of my neighbour up the road. As I grew into a teenager, I wanted the popularity of the cool kids, their boyfriends and make-up. I wanted to travel like the adventurers on TV and be as skinny as all those people who were skinnier than me. For my whole life I have measured myself against all those who I felt had more, and always came up short. So I strived with heart and soul to achieve all those things that I thought were missing from my life.
In my almost 35 years of life so far I have done much. I have had long hair, worked hard to buy the ‘toys’ I thought I wanted to play with. I have written poems that have later brought tears to my eyes, and have made many people laugh. I have married the handsome guy and given birth to the beautiful son. I have walked with confidence, been skinny, and journeyed to the most wonderful of places. I have travelled to the top of my mountains of fear, and skipped happily down the other side. Now, as I sit in the office of the house I have built, I realise a few things that I’m sure I have realised a million times over. There is no cure for ‘the grass is greener on the othersideitis’. And even though this is not new information, today, as I sit here, it’s a new feeling.
There isn’t a pill or potion for something like this. Because no matter how many things I have, it is only the love and acceptance that I have inside, for myself, that quiets the voices. It is only the prayer that I feed to my soul that makes any difference. The only thing that really matters in this world is the conversation that I have with the One who created me.
I’m asking myself, exactly what the point is to these words that I’m writing. Perhaps it’s a message, to myself most of all, but to others out there who are pushing themselves to madness. The things we posses are fleeting. Tomorrow they will belong to someone else, our bodies will rot in the ground, and the stories of our lives will be the ones of love and service. Our history will be written on the walls of other men’s hearts, not the walls of our castles.
Perhaps this is a signing off, I’m not really sure if this blog will continue. Our lovely home is built and we are enjoying it’s spaces. Thank you so much for coming along for the ride so far. My focus now will be on new and exciting challenges that life is already stirring up for us! Perhaps this will be the place to share some of that, perhaps it will be HERE! Do keep in touch!
Love love love