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Category Archives: From the Heart

The grass is not greener on the other side… it’s just the same colour

Josh, Maya and Sophie

Throughout my life I have suffered from ‘the grass is greener on the othersideitis’. As a child I wanted my sister’s long blonde hair, I wanted all the toys my cousin had. I wanted the eloquence and humour of a family friend, and the confidence and fitness of my neighbour up the road. As I grew into a teenager, I wanted the popularity of the cool kids, their boyfriends and make-up. I wanted to travel like the adventurers on TV and be as skinny as all those people who were skinnier than me. For my whole life I have measured myself against all those who I felt had more, and always came up short. So I strived with heart and soul to achieve all those things that I thought were missing from my life.

In my almost 35 years of life so far I have done much. I have had long hair, worked hard to buy the ‘toys’ I thought I wanted to play with. I have written poems that have later brought tears to my eyes, and have made many people laugh. I have married the handsome guy and given birth to the beautiful son. I have walked with confidence, been skinny, and journeyed to the most wonderful of places. I have travelled to the top of my mountains of fear, and skipped happily down the other side. Now, as I sit in the office of the house I have built, I realise a few things that I’m sure I have realised a million times over. There is no cure for ‘the grass is greener on the othersideitis’. And even though this is not new information, today, as I sit here, it’s a new feeling.

There isn’t a pill or potion for something like this. Because no matter how many things I have, it is only the love and acceptance that I have inside, for myself, that quiets the voices. It is only the prayer that I feed to my soul that makes any difference. The only thing that really matters in this world is the conversation that I have with the One who created me.

I’m asking myself, exactly what the point is to these words that I’m writing. Perhaps it’s a message, to myself most of all, but to others out there who are pushing themselves to madness. The things we posses are fleeting.   Tomorrow they will belong to someone else, our bodies will rot in the ground, and the stories of our lives will be the ones of love and service. Our history will be written on the walls of other men’s hearts, not the walls of our castles.

Perhaps this is a signing off, I’m not really sure if this blog will continue. Our lovely home is built and we are enjoying it’s spaces. Thank you so much for coming along for the ride so far. My focus now will be on new and exciting challenges that life is already stirring up for us! Perhaps this will be the place to share some of that, perhaps it will be HERE! Do keep in touch!

Love love love

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Posted by on June 7, 2012 in From the Heart

 

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Moving in Update!

So we officially moved in on Sunday, but only slept here on Monday night.

Josh has been quite unwell and so we didn’t want to disrupt him more than he already has been. We were quite worried about him, and I felt that all the moving about was just too much for him. He has been very clingy, not wanting to leave my arms at all, very upset and needing a lot of reassurance. He was waking with nightmares, seeing monsters in the dark and started to want to sleep with the light on. He was barely eating and had no energy.

I hadn’t realised just how much all this moving was taking out of him so today I took him to see a new homeopath. Thankfully the remedy she gave him has so far been working really well and seems to be helping him cope better with all the recent changes. I think I felt that he was very resiliant but in reality he has been as sensitive to the stress of moving, as we all have been.

I’m just so relieved he seems to be on the mend now.. Once we’re a little more settled I will update the photos. But for now I’m going to enjoy my evening, as for once Josh is sleeping happily upstairs.

Being in the house has been a real pleasure so far. The shower is great, the kitchen is a dream, the spaces are lovely, it’s always warm and its so nice and quiet. Sound doesn’t seem to travel through the house and falling asleep last night, with the beautiful sound of birds singing and the river flowing was just lovely. When its dark you can see a spread of shining stars from the window.. Now that Josh is feeling better, we’ll really be able to unpack the mess of boxes and get ourselves organised.

I will update more soon!

 
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Posted by on April 24, 2012 in From the Heart, Moving House

 

On the verge …

You might have noticed that new posts on the house are few and far between at this stage. This is due to pretty much, utter exhaustion! By the end of the day I’m ready for one of two things, bed or chocolate. Chocolate wins out most days and I’m extremely fortunate to work in a shop that sells some really yummy samples! Though I must admit, the nutritional therapist in me is grieving for my poor adrenal glands!

On the house front! We will move in this week. I have a day off work next week, so I’ll have 5 uninterrupted days to settle! To help Josh settle and to hopefully let Rob rest. We have had a large pile of boxes in the living room for about a week now, gathering dust. But over the next few days, that pile will slowly filter out around the house and find home in their new rooms.

This morning we received the last of the glue for the floor, a tub that we’ve been waiting on for the last three weeks. The stairs received the last finishing touches today, and so we are now just about ready to have the architect come and do his final inspection!

Reaching this point has been interesting, and when people now say that moving house is one of the most stressful things you can do, I completely understand. We’ve been in the odd limbo of living with my parents for over 5 weeks now. It has given us a gentle introduction to living in the country, but its just not natural to live with ones parents, especially when you’re married with a child of your own! I can’t thank my parents enough for all they have sacrificed in having us here.

I look forward to moving around in the new house.. already i feel myself longing to be there. I had a mini breakdown a few days ago, when the pressure of the world was just a little bit too much. Dad and I walked down the lane in the dark, with my fluffy green dressing gown blowing in the wind, my pajama pants stuffed into my welly boots. I cried all the stress away.  I walked into the house and cried some more because I wish I could give the builders more than I can. I feel so blessed, but so tired. I’m noticing that my reaction to a lot of things at the moment is tears.

The upstairs of the house has lovely carpet but no beds, so in my mind I will lie down on the warm floor and sleep.. while the rest of me will get a cup of tea and watch Grey’s Anatomy, and no I won’t eat chocolate… most likely!!

 
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Posted by on April 17, 2012 in From the Heart

 

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Day 270 – Spring Flowers

Here are a few photos taken on Thursday!

 
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Posted by on March 29, 2012 in From the Heart

 

Day 242 Sunglasses required! Shedding dust!

The painting is pretty much all done! Larry has done a beautiful job! He even cleaned our most inaccessible window while he was painting around it!

As I walked in the back door, Florence, looking for something, looked as though he needed a pair of sunglasses more than anything else. I found the slight squint in his eye a little amusing! The paint is such a dazzling white its takes a second to adjust to the brightness!! Truly lovely! The whole house is the same colour and I love it! The blank page excites me, and its the same with a perfectly smooth, white room! A canvas onto which you can paint any picture. The imagination runs wild when faced with a clean white surface!

I was delighted to see that one of Florence’s previous houses has been featured in another architectural / selfbuild magazine. Though I didn’t get a chance to read the article, the pictures did the house justice!

Today was light on light on light. We also got the news that we have received planning permission on our temporary entrance!  I’m so glad we didn’t have to take the original route. It was more expensive, more difficult.

Our bathroom and utility room tiles arrived today, and the carpet is ready to be fitted. I also finally ordered the Chinese bamboo flooring, which will hopefully arrive early next week (from England!!).

It was also a gloriously sunny day today and the daffodils are out in full bloom. I brought the first boxes to my parents home (so moving house seems a lot less daunting). Rob’s driving instructor was happy with his progress and I got a lovely gift of earrings.. I have yet to pierce my ears, but I’ve been wanting to for weeks, so now I have something to wear when I do!

All in all its been a lovely day! Tomorrow is our fasting month, so like the clean, white, house, I hope this next month will see a little soul spring cleaning. I need to polish my mirror and shed a little dust (a lot of dust).

 

 
 

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9 days and counting!

My sense of dread and anticipation are about equal at the moment. Maybe a little more dread right at this moment!

I called our landlord today and gave notice that we are moving out. I should have given a month, but finally only got around to it today, a mere 9 days before we are due to vacate our home. We’ve lived here now for just shy of 7 years, all of our married life, the only home we have raised our child in… the place I’ve wanted to leave, for about as long as we’ve lived here!

We always had plans to move on and now, in 9 days time, that moment will come. (just to be clear though, we’re not moving in to the new house yet, but just into my parents home down the lane as we can no longer afford rent + mortgage!).

For the last two years I have put off any spring cleaning, getting rid of unwanted stuff, saying to myself ‘I’ll do that when we move’ !!!!! I had great plans of organising all our stuff into neat boxes, with labels on them, saying which room they should be moved into. I had images of cleaning the house, so the landlord wouldn’t decide to keep our deposit. I had visions of us waving goodbye to the old house with a little tear of sadness as we drove off with all our belongings in a large white van, with Joshua sitting on my knee.

The reality is somewhat different. I started to pack today, in my panic, after I had spoken to the landlord, after realising that the day we are due to vacate, I’m working from 10am till 6pm. Realising that the day before we are due to move, Rob has a driving lesson and his driving test (which if he passes will mean a new job, local to the new house). The first box I packed consisted of a foot high pile to ‘to do’s’. Work that I have been putting off for the last two years. There isn’t a chance in hell I’m going to get to sort through them… indeed the way things are going, that box will be put into the attic and I’ll discover it in my 50’s when I finally decide to clean it out.

My new vision is that I’ll be throwing anything and everything into any box I can find. Clothes will be flung, plates will be broken, there won’t be a strip of bubble wrap in sight and all my piles of junk will find their new home inside closed, dark boxes, where they will stay for at least 6 to 12 months.

To be sure, I’ll get it done. To be sure, it’ll all be grand. In 11 maybe 12 days it’ll all be forgotten about… and Rob, Josh and I will get on with living our lives with my parents!!! Hahahahahaaaaaaa……

Did I mention my feelings about that!!

When all else fails.. I just have to remember one thing! NEVER GIVE UP! 

I also have to remember that no matter how stressed I feel or how panicked I get, my worries are miniscule compared to the worries of some. Today is Rare Disease Day and as a mommy, I realise there is nothing more difficult in life than having a sick child. Nothing more precious than seeing them smile and grow. 

"from small beginnings come great things"

 
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Posted by on March 1, 2012 in From the Heart

 

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The rest is just wall paper…

I feel like I’m stuck in limbo, a no place, a nowhere. I drive between our home in the country and where we live in the city and feel comfortable in neither place. Though my people, my things, my memories are housed in our rented two-bed-semi in the city, my dreams, my life, my mind is living in the house with plaster dripped out over the floor.

I have an overwhelming desire to clean, tidy, sweep it. I want to paint the walls and lay the floor. I want to sit at my desk and study. I want to cook and slide my fingers across the kitchen counter. I want to skip down the stairs and swing towards the living room, my hand gripping the banister. I want to carry Josh into bed and tuck him in. I want to do sun salutations facing the morning rays.

I guess I want a lot of things, but as I drove home from the site today, I passed an old friends home. A friend I haven’t seen in over 10 years. There was a funeral happening at the house and I wondered who had died. I later found out her father had passed away.

What purpose is there in all our wants, when one day our lives are folded up?

There is no harm in striving for better, in reaching for a goal, in fighting for our passions, but the essence of our being has to be about our people, our relationships, our community, our spirit.. the rest is just wall paper.

 
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Posted by on November 28, 2011 in From the Heart